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  • Aug. 26th, 2007 at 3:43 PM
burger and cow
For those of you who don't know, I unfortunately got a job at Modell's. The people there are really cool, I mean I like most of them, but I just can't take the hours. I got thrown in to one of their busiest times of the year, back to school, and I have 32 hours this week. That's a lot to just jump right into. Plus, I still don't know a whole lot about the store and what we have, so I find myself having to ask other people to help me help someone. Not only that, but I don't see Jimmy at all anymore, and it sucks because he's really the only person I want to see. Our hours for work just don't work out with each other. I would work the same time he did if I could, but I just can't with field hockey. I hate my job, and I can't wait to quit. I'm going to in like a month, since I know I'm not going to be able to handle it if I'm crying now about not having a life. Plus the fact that Jimmy refuses to visit me because I didn't really talk to him when he came in the first day I was there, which should be understandable but apparently its not. I just can't work like this my senior year. I should be having fun this year. Work should not be my number one priority because I won't let it become my number one priority. I have too many other things I want to do this year that work comes second to.

Jimmy and me are doing okay. This whole me getting a job thing has really shaken things up because we're both really afraid we're never going to see each other. I don't want that. I want us to see each other as much as possible. I want to watch Eagles games with him every time they're on. I want to be with him soo much this year because the last thing I want to do is lose him. He means wayy too much to me.

I really don't know what to do. I need money, so I should be looking to keep this job, but Jimmy is really one of the main reasons I want to quit soo bad. Not seeing him puts me in such a bad mood. I can't go a week without seeing him, that would just be soo hard to do. He is my life, work isn't. But, I think that I might need to change that considering I need a job so bad. I need a car, I NEED to go on senior trip. There's stuff I want that I won't be able to have if I do quit this job. I really don't know what to do, someone's gotta help me!!!!!

Writer's Block: Bump In The Night

  • Jul. 25th, 2007 at 9:15 PM
ducks!
What are you afraid of?


----To be completely honest, I'm afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid of growing up, moving on. I've come to love the people around me today. The people that I'm friends with now are all so important to me and I don't want to lose them. I'm afraid that I'll go off to college and lose touch with basically everyone except jimmy, veronica, jen, and lillian. I really can't have that happen, everyone is too important to me. I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid that I'm going to do something really stupid one day and ruin everything I have in my life right now. I'm afraid of not getting into the college I want to get into. I'm afraid of this year being over. Senior year is supposed to be the greatest year, the most fun, and the happiest year of high school. I'll tell you one thing, with Jimmy and Veronica and Jen and Lillian in my life, its already that. They're going to make this year worthwhile, in my opinion. I love all four of them so much. They mean the world to me. I know this is really cheesy and all, but its true. I just realized, I'm afraid of what my life would be like right now if Jimmy and I still hated each other. I can't even imagine it. He's so important to me now, the kid is like my life. It hasn't even been 4 months and I feel like I've been with him so much longer. It would be so scary to not have him in my life.

You know what else I'm afraid of? I'm afraid of death. I'm afraid that people won't know how much they mean to me and how much I love them when I die. I'm afraid of what comes after dying. Yeah, I believe in Heaven and all, but I'm always of afraid of the stuff coming to me that I know nothing about. I hate jumping into things without knowing what will come of it. I'm afraid of what dying will be like. I'm afraid that my life won't be complete when I die.

Wow, this was a completely different post from what I normally write about. This question just brought so much out of me.

life recently.

  • Jul. 2nd, 2007 at 6:14 PM
wiggity wack
its been pretty awesome being me since summer began.

I think I've swam more so far this summer than I ever have during any other summer, and its not even close to being over.

me and jimmy are doing GREAT. he's probably one of the best things to ever happen to me. my summer has consisted so much of seeing him and hanging out with him that it scares me what it's gonna be like the next couple of weeks where we aren't gonna see each other. =( I didn't think we'd get so close this quick, but we're finding ourselves missing each other like crazy after not seeing each other for only like a day. I don't know what I'd be doing this summer if it weren't for him, and we realized this when we were on the phone. I guarantee I'd be bored out of my mind if I weren't with him. I'm so happy. =D

anyway, next week we're going on vacation. the ENTIRE family. =/ but, we're going to ocean city, one of my favorite places to be, so I probably won't be around my family a whole lot. the only thing is that we're gonna be there on my birthday, so the whole birthday party thing is thrown off this year. not only is it thrown off because of vacation, but also because of field hockey camp, which I leave for the day after I get back from vacation. =/ talk about jumping back into reality.

field hockey is exciting so far, but I realized that I really haven't been running as much as I expected to be running. this 100 mile club thing hasn't been working out as awesome as I thought it was going to, mostly because I always end up doing something when I plan on running. I definitely need to start getting up early and running or something.

the fray, mae, and ok go concert was definitely the highlight of my summer so far. I'm pretty sure it was the best concert I've ever been to, which means it beats out teddy. *gasp* I know, better than teddy. that just goes to show you how awesome it was.

anyway, I just thought I'd update since I haven't in 5 weeks, which is a really long time. =D
fray-over my head
why do I all of a sudden feel like I should never be in a relationship ever again in my entire life? I feel like I'm so much less into this whole relationship thing than him, and its really weird. I think of how I probably should be acting with him and how I do act, and I feel like its not for me.


I'm such a prude, too. the last thing I want to do is get more serious right now, and apparently I'm the only one. I'm still in the process of figuring out where I stand as of right now. I feel like we're on completely different pages.

its weird. some days, I couldn't be happier than where I'm at. other days, I just wish I was single again and didn't have the obligation. I like him, but I feel like I don't like him enough. I don't know what to do! the best part is that I can't even confide in my best friends because I'm afraid word will get back to him somehow. I need someone to talk to. I need my life back where it was before.

I'm in too deep, there's too much on my plate. I can't keep up with friends, boyfriend, school, clubs, sports, family, etc. its just too much for me to take.

and, its days like these that I wonder what I got myself into. other days, I'm the happiest girl ever.
it doesn't make sense to me. maybe its because I have absolutely no experience. maybe I shouldn't even be questioning anything right now, I feel like I have no authority to question it.

why can't life go back to when boys had cooties? it was much easier to live then.

other than all of this going on in my life, its officially ONE MONTH until the fray concert!!!! =D

tired of everything.

  • May. 2nd, 2007 at 10:12 PM
mad deep
prom is ridiculous. so much drama is coming along with it and I'm just tired of it. my parents and jimmy tell me to not let it ruin my night, but I just can't help it. I worry about it too much. but, whatever. maybe it won't be as bad as I think its going to be.

me and jimmy are doing just peachy.
one month soon. =D

I can't wait for summer and the fray concert!!

=)

  • Apr. 15th, 2007 at 12:04 AM
ducks!
so, I finally got myself a boyfriend. =D

I don't know. it feels weird, though. it might just be that this is like the first time I've had like a real boyfriend, but it still feels weird. I don't know, I'll probably get over it eventually. its just really hard to explain to anyone unless you're in my head and know exactly how I feel, then you'd probably understand a little better.

Prom is less then a month away!!!!!


and musical is this week!!!!!

and, I officially have no life for the next two weeks.
sweeeeeeeeet.

life is goooooood.

  • Apr. 1st, 2007 at 12:03 AM
ducks!
life is becoming better and better every day. well, a lot has happened this week. all of it is very exciting.

well, for starters, I ended up getting third in hurdles out of the gateway girls and I won both of my heats. =D it was really awesome.

secondly, I got my PROM DRESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its sooooo pretty. I love it. it should be coming in sometime this week, and I can't wait to see what it looks like on me in the right size and the right color. its just another thing that makes me even more excited for prom. =D

thirdly, I GOT INTO NATIONAL HONOR SOCIETY!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited when my mom gave me the letter. I was actually kind of nervous that I wouldn't get in because I've been really quiet in my classes this year, but its just because I don't really know anyone in my classes and I feel weird speaking out my opinion in front of them, especially all the seniors I have in my classes. but, I guess my activities and my grades got me in.

fourthly, I think I'm starting to like him more. =D we went to the movies tonight, and he said something really cute and cheesy, but I don't even care. sometimes the cheesiest things are the cutest. lol. v-connnn knows who I'm talkin' about.

fifthly, I CANNOT WAIT FOR PROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish it was a lot sooner!!!!!! its going to be a really interesting night, and probably a night to remember. it really is going to be really exciting, I wish it was on the 20th like my cousins'. that would be AMAZING!!!

sixthly, les mis is starting to come along GREAT. it kind of doesn't feel like musical time, because our practices suck and i don't really do anything at them, but I love this show.

seventhly, I CANNOT WAIT FOR SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the fourth day of summer, I'm going to the fray, mae, and OK Go concert with veronica!!!! we're going to have sooo much fun, and these bands are going to be amazing. we're in the pit, so I'm hoping we can get close enough to the stage so that we can like reach out our hands and have band members touch them!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

alright, so, its late. and I have church tomorrow. I'm outtie, yooo.

=D

  • Mar. 19th, 2007 at 7:23 PM
mad deep
I now have a prom date, and I am actually excited for prom now.


my mom is being so annoying about it, though. like, whenever we talk about anything prom now she dances around like an idiot. I just wanna be like "mom, its only prom, like you said. its not like I'm marrying the kid. I could understand the dancing then, but its only prom."


I have to go out on sunday to go find a dress now, though. the thing that sucks about that is that its me, my mom, and my aunt now, too. I feel like everyone's making a huge deal about it. I mean, finding a dress for prom shouldn't be like a huge get-together for all the women in my family. it should just be like me and my mom. I bet you I shoot myself after we go out. my mom and my aunt are gonna push their opinions so much. they better not talk me out of a dress that I like, I'll strangle them. lol. maybe not that far, but I'll get very angry and embarrass them. that's just as good.


don't get me wrong. I'm so excited I got asked to prom, especially since it was the person I was kinda hoping would. we're gonna have so much fun. seriously.



p.s. FINALLY not a prude anymore. =D

god.

  • Mar. 10th, 2007 at 9:32 PM
ducks!
why is it that I always end up liking the people who don't seem to give two shits about me?!

why is it that I'm always the one who can't find a date to anything, can't find a guy just to hook up with and see where it goes, can't seem to find a guy that would even want to hook up with her?

I thought I had finally found someone who I could POSSIBLY have SOMETHING with for once, but I don't even know anymore. he doesn't talk to me unless we're sitting there in person with very few people there with us.

I just don't understand. I'm tired of this crap. why does this always happen to me?! why can't I just get a guy for ONCE?! JUST ONCE?! is that too much to ask?!

I REALLY want to go to prom with him. I don't want to go with a stranger, I don't want to go with just a friend...I want to go with him. prom would just mean so much more. like, I know that I would have fun. and, I can't see myself going with anyone else to be completely honest.

I just......I don't know yet if I want to ask him. I was hoping he'd ask me, but I don't think that's going to happen. really wish it would, but I highly doubt it. I know I'll end up asking him, because he's the only person that would make sense for me to go with.

I tried on prom dresses in macy's last night, and I found a modern-day belle dress. its sooo cute, and I'm seriously thinking of getting it. I want prom to be like a fairytale, and there's only one person I want as my prince.

SATs are finally done, THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's probably the only thing good about this weekend so far.
well, that and my parents got me tickets to THE FRAY!! =D
fray-over my head
I definitely think I like him now.


And, I don't really think its a secret that he likes me, even if its just a tiny bit.


I hope this one goes somewhere.


I actually really hope it goes somewhere.